I know that you’re dreaming peacefully, enjoying a luxurious holiday with daddy while I sit quietly on my best behaviour in my spotless, gorgeous outfit of the day. Oh hang on, the dream has suddenly changed to you shopping for designer shoes and walking down the red carpet with George Clooney. How strange, I don’t seem to be in this dream?
Anyway, let me get back to why I am writing this letter, to apologise for this little cry which is going to interrupt your wonderful dreams and wake you up. Right now it’s 3am, I don’t want to wake everyone up, just you. All I have right now is my little voice and crying is the only way I can get your attention.
I know this doesn’t feel very fair as sometimes I don’t settle with daddy who I know is trying to help, but you are the only who seems to understand me and what I need at 3am. I know that daddy can give me a drink, I love that so much, but most of the time, it is just you, my mummy that I need and want. While I might be thirsty, there is so much going on in my little mind that I know only you will really understand.
I Really Want a Cuddle
You know this already, but I love your mummy hugs at night – or anytime of day! It wasn’t so long ago that I was snuggled up inside your tummy, safe and cosy. You smell wonderful and a cuddle with you always makes me feel secure and know that I belong. I think I might have missed the instructions but the transition to the real world can be really confusing – there is so much colour, new sounds and faces. Sometimes, I just have no idea what I am supposed to do. So when I wake in the middle of the dark night and feel a bit lonely, all I want is a cuddle from you. If that means disturbing you trying on some really fabulous Louboutin shoes, I’m sorry but I do want to thank you for always choosing me.
I Want to Cry
Maybe we could create a magic way to let you know how I am feeling, or even attach a little bell to my wrist so I can let you know? All I can come up with right now is to cry, which I totally understand can be pretty annoying! My baby instincts do tell its natural and better to let out a good cry though, rather than let frightening thoughts just spin round and round in my head. Is that why sometimes I see you cry too? Sometimes just being close to you makes me feel better, as I said, I am pretty overwhelmed by the world right now.
I totally admit, I get hungry a lot and I can’t quite get to grips with daytime and night time. I’m not sure how this breastfeeding thing works but to me it’s like magic, it just tastes so fantastic and is all I need to fill my little tummy. Sometimes I think I might be hurting you a bit but you never let me know and I’m not sure why, but you seem to blame yourself sometimes which isn’t fair at all. I think maybe it’s a mummy thing I just don’t understand yet? Thank you for being so brave, for always snuggling up to me, feeding me, loving me and caring for me all day, every day without expecting anything in return!
I am a Little Frightened
I know you are super tired mummy but sometimes I get a little frightened. This world is so new to me so a sudden noise or even complete silence at night can make me jump, especially when I wake up all by myself and can only see my mobile, toys and shadows on the wall. I feel like I just need a friend to tell me that ‘It’s ok love, everything is fine, you’re safe and there’s no need to be worried.” You get to be that friend mum and although it means even less sleep for you, please remember that I am new at this, even newer than you!
It’s Just You
Just a final a little thank you mummy for always being by my side. I know that you are exhausted and that it takes a lot out of you. I watch you throughout the day and it makes me feel a little sad to know that I kept you awake in the early hours, crying, wriggling, demanding cuddles and more food. I know that I can be a little nuisance, but I promise that I am all grown up, I will always be there for you and by your side. You created me Mum, that’s pretty cool and I know that I’ll thank you all of my life because of that. Love you Mummy! x